A local man has come up with a great idea to pass away the time during the current lockdown. Taking shitloads of LSD. The local man who we can’t name for legal reasons started his mega trip early Saturday evening. It started with him necking 50 micro-dots washed down with tonic lime and lemon. The first hour or two went without much happening and then at about 12am the trip started. Not feeling comfortable in his own home, he ventured out on to the moors just outside of Denholme. Reports of a man dancing in the moonlight with just his Y-fronts on and a wizard hat proclaiming he was there to meet travellers from outer space. These reports were confirmed by a neighbour going by the name of Bent barman. Barman said “nothing unusual about seeing people half naked on the moors but what startled me was the light beams coming from his eyes and smoke coming out of his nostrils, something suggests he had been experimenting with mind altering drugs”. “ What was also strange was, in the sky above the moors i could see thousands of bright lights all coming together and spelling the words”, “MEAT FREE IF YOU WANNA GET WITH ME” shortly afterwards the lights dispersed and the young man came down off the moors and went back home. Our roving reporter Mr Wallis Thoughts called at the young mans house but nobody would answer. On returning back to the newsroom a message had been left for Wallis saying. “ no story for you here young man, I only communicate with beings from outer space and shit footballers!” More as we get more…